Mmesomachukwu
Mmesomachukwu: Fighting Hodgkin's Lymphoma
Before being diagnosed with cancer, I was in my second year of college for nursing. I had a few hobbies I loved to do when I wasn't studying - reading, playing my saxophone, learning Igbo, writing my book, doing my hair, and the newest one I picked up, sewing (with a sewing machine). Things were chill then, but I always had this breathing problem, like asthma. I went on a road trip with my cousins. It felt like there was a lump on my chest when I lay down, and I could hear this very slight wheezing sound, but it wasn't serious - not then at least - so I ignored it. But when I went back to college, things started to get real because there's a lot of walking up hills, stairs, and regular paths, something that forced me to exert myself. The wheezing sound grew more frequent to the point that if I talked too long or laughed too hard, I'd break out into a cough, which turned into wheezing, and eventually the wheezing became a permanent thing. You could always hear my breathing, and it didn't sound pretty. So, I told my mom, and we decided that when I came back home, I'd go see the doctor (because I live out of state and fly home). Eventually, the doctor's visit came, which eventually led to a pulmonary function test being ordered, and when I failed that, it led to a chest x-ray, which then turned into a visit to the ER after they found the mass in the middle of my chest. This was the night I found out I might have cancer.
It was hospital appointment after hospital appointment after that. That's when I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to school. I had my biopsy, and my results came back only a few days later, and that's when everything became official - I had Hodgkin's lymphoma; I had cancer. I've had to live with that possibility, but in the back of my mind, I knew it was 100% certain; I just needed that biopsy to prove it.
I've been out of school since then, returning there only to gather my belongings. The hospital appointments only continued until the big one came, my first round of chemo, It's not something I dreaded - I looked forward to it in fact. Not because I want cancer (no, nobody wants that c word), but because it was an obstacle placed before me and I love a good challenge. This wasn't going to be an easy one, but I knew it was one I could face if I could just keep the positive attitude I've always had. I like to see the positive in the negatives, because it makes the hard times seem less daunting, like a movie where I'm the main character and I know I'm going to win at the end, but don't know exactly how. My first round of chemo has been the worst so far, but not horrible. I had terrible nausea to the point I couldn't sit up for long (I had to lie down to eat sometimes), was so drained I'd sleep like 75% of the day, dizzy, lightheaded, couldn't stand for long either or drink water. My mouth also tasted weird, and I got mouth sores that eventually led me to get admitted to the hospital because I had a fever - 100.6ºC and climbing. My blood dropped so low that I needed a blood transfusion. Being in the hospital for those 48 hours isn't an experience I'll forget; it's made me realize the power nurses have, and I'll be sure to be the best nurse for all my patients because I now know what it's like to be in that bed, and gosh do I hate that bed, but the nurses made it so much better. The doctor at the hospital told me it gets easier, and she was right.
I recently finished my second round, and I had little to no side effects except mild nausea and the usual lightheadedness/dizziness. I did end up losing all my hair, though; the first round really loosened it all up. But I like the new look - I might even stay bald when my hair starts growing back. My next round is in a few days, and I'm hoping it goes smoothly, too. Life's been interesting living with cancer and seeing how other people react to my disease is also interesting. I've seen a type of love that's so new and refreshing, that makes my heart smile knowing they care. It also makes me wonder what they would do in a hypothetical world (because I don't want it to ever happen in this one) where they got cancer. I hope they can smile through and stay positive even when it's hard, because an attitude alone can make all the difference in the cancer journey.
Every day hasn't been easy. Sometimes I'm in bed all day, other times I'm able to get up and work on another sewing project, read a book, or even simply watch a movie. Sometimes I feel awful, unproductive, like I'm wasting my time (because I'm the type that loves to make the most of my days), but overall, in the grand scheme of things, I've been feeling great. I can't wait to be done with chemo, because I know the person I'll become won't be the same person I was before, but i know she'll be beautiful.
What Nik's wish are you thinking about and why?
I have a lot of hobbies, but my biggest one has always been writing. I want to be an author in the future, along with being a nurse. I've been using my Mac to work, but it's old now and laggy. I would really love a new MacBook Pro M5 Max with the Apple Creator Studio preinstalled. It's got all the RAM, storage, and CPU power for writing, but most importantly, the newest hobby I've been hoping to start with a new Mac - animation. When I was in the hospital and couldn't sleep, I'd play some music in my AirPods, close my eyes, and imagine fun animated lyric videos with pictures telling a story until they sang me to sleep. Except, these lyric videos don't exist - they're all in my head. I've been wanting to bring them to life since then and hopefully share them with the world, because I believe music with visuals completely elevates the listening experience, and as someone who always has music in my ears 24/7, that's an experience I want to give others.